On Feminism, the slur

After a long break self searching, contemplating the dilemma of seeking a painless death or just death - can't one just have both? Because as clear as day it seems a better option to many than to deal with being young, full of potential, and in Nigeria .... sigh.

In the midst of all that pondering i allow the thoughts to sink in deeper that truly, as a 20-something year old corp member i am Fucked!, we all are. No matter who our parents are or who we aspire to be, every individual is humbled by the Nigerian experience. 

Some might feel my writing about it doesn't change anything,  but I find solace in the fact that my words might offer a moment of relief to anyone reading these words. That perhaps I am not  alone, none of us are. 

So I write now, not because i am  good at it( for the record, I commit a great sacrilege by even attempting to mimic a fraction of this gift), not because I am more astute than my readers ( who dash me?), definitely not because of the harsh realities being a corper exposes one to. I write because a frickled, insecure middle aged man I met in a cab called another passenger a Feminist, and this he meant as a slur...We are not amused😐

If you are expecting an opinion piece on Nigeria's problem, please brethren, today is not the day. Me and the Nigerian experience dey fight, e don already dey press me down wella. So abeg not today.

Today instead I will share a couple of experiences I had that perhaps led to my vexation with the middle aged passenger.

It was just another dreadful afternoon in camp, my thinking about it makes me recoil mentally at the thought of being there again.  It went on as a usual day in camp, with the usual sexist innuendos thrown at corp members like allowee. Various announcements and speakers going on about how female corp members could redeploy to the state their spouses are, with the pitiful inclusion that this rule sadly did not apply to male corp members who wanted to stay with their spouses. Trusting the ......that I am, I asked one of the ladies ( camp staff) " why so?", and she said plainly "because she's a woman and she needs to be close to her kids as well as take care of her husband." 

Omo i weak. 

Some other corp members were in the room as well, and once she uttered her answer the room fell silent. She looked around, saw the faces looking at her, and the brazen look that followed her answer disappeared. It was in that moment I think she realised - omo I don fuck up. . Confident as she looked  earlier , all of that sipped out her face just as quickly as she probably realised i was the only guy in the room with the other 15 ( i think) corp members being fresh FEMALE graduates from uni, who have faced their own fair share of sexism and stereotypes.  The shouting began, and I just sat there, legs crossed, proud of the moment where I did not need to speak English about why a man also needs to be with his children and take care of his wife, proud even more of the chaos that followed without even saying another word... We felt Fulfilled ☺

Fastforward to days later, in a meeting with our platoon officer. We were told to bring out someone to represent the platoon at the pageantry. All was well and good until our PO made mention of the brilliant idea they had come up with. They of course consisted of a very large group of middle aged men with a small group of about 3-5 women (there just to be used to claim gender equality). This very brilliant idea in his words 

   "we decided it would be nice to have like a Miss NYSC, but not the fine kind, just those ugly,  fat , dark girls,  those ones that don't have the qualities for miss NYSC, will Compete for that one."

I can't remember what he called it because by then I was already furious in my head. While still trying to calm myself, people started laughing saying it was a good idea. The PO feeling encouraged by the cheers, went further to ask one girl to stand up. Of course it seemed like a joke then he laughingly said

 " look at that one, you see she is not pretty,  she's skinny , but she's not fine, see her teeth, she can't contest for miss NYSC, she can now contest for this one"

Folks cheered him on, and the girl couldn't help but laugh as well, but in sitting down her laughter was gone, replaced by a teary eye she tried to hide with her hair,  but I saw it. And I openly said No, that it wasn't right. That it was a form of body shaming. Some of the guys behind me objected to my views by expressing their inane thoughts. 

"E dey sharp joor, it's just for fun na"

To the one that said that i asked

 "wouldn't it be fun to do the same for a guy as well, the opposite of Mr Macho ?"

To that I received murmurs, boos and fortunately I lost some acquaintances I was foolishly about to make friends(Good riddance). But most importantly the girl that had been called up looked at me and smiled. That was more than enough, so I left. Mind you I couldn't speak directly to the platoon officer, I was too not-ready-to-be-polite  to approach him, but I made sure I spoke as loud as I could, adding to the other voices in the meeting opposed to it. I later had a  conversation with one of those acquaintances and in frustration to my calling the idea out he said "Na the problem with Feminism, una 2 dey spoil things".

How these experiences relate to anything,  you can figure out, as I have no conclusion to draw my reader to, that is your opinion to shape. 

Fastforward to the cab and why the young lady was called a feminist as a slur. Her only crime was she was asking for her change and he just ignored her (he heard her as I saw the look on his face when she was asking for it, he was irritated), she kept on asking for it, and he kept on ignoring.  Right in front of her he attended to me, to the other passengers.  Na that one vex am, she raised her voice at him. The car was in a frenzy as the driver lost his cool and started raising his voice as well. What was the driver's anger? He didn't like the way she spoke to him. 

The driver had to park as the lady insisted she wanted to leave, after much pleading on all our parts the driver gave her back her money, all of it. The driver now went on to talk about how it's because he is a cab driver that she was speaking to him anyhow, and she should learn to be more respectful especially with men around. Na there our middle aged man drop bomb. He now spoke to her directly 

"Young lady, learn to be respectful, even as I was here trying to calm things, you were speaking over me. That is not how we do things, don't let western ideas destroy you. You are an African woman, you don't speak when a man is speaking, Feminism will mislead you"

I was in shock, but the man behind me was not. He quickly added "na dem, Feminists".

The young lady got off the cab, as the driver was about to leave, I told him to wait, that I was getting out as well, he turned off the engine I looked at the man behind me and told him to his face,  

"Go and get Educated, because Feminism is not your biggest problem, stupidity is" ..or at least I think that's what I said as I walked out of that car, feeling like the car would explode behind me in slow motion. But deep down I knew omo I don loss...how I go go house😖